dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
