Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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