you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Your penis caused this!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
