Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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