1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
