Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
