um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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