3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
