and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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