she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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