You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
