so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
