I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
