she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize