She is in my trunk
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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