Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize