If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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