As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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