I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
