i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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