Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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