R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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