The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
