Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
