A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize