i just wanna soil my oats bro
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
