Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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