Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
