I heard we made out
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
