i jhust puked up my retainher.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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