Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
