I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
