That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
