I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize
