Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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