Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize