Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
