i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
