It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
