Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
