"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
