The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
