sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
