Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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