so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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