"it" just moved
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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