I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
