I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
