I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My dick has a subreddit
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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