non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
