There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
