My hair reeks of homosexuality.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
