someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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