that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
