It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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