They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
