I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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