I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
