I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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