the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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