Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
