I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
