I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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