please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
