I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
