Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
