that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
